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Term cardiovascular/respiratory damage or even death. Goodnight sweetie." You've only got to stitch together the explanations until they're, at the oldest, 8. Then they'll ask you The Question and you can come clean and induct them into the bittersweet secret society of people who know that Santa is just an excuse for the people who love you to get you gifts. Man, fuck those kids. Around 2nd grade kids start learning it and telling everyone, thinking they’re cool. And you just kinda keep it in the back of your mind; you know Santa isn’t real but you can’t come to terms with it. I remember in 3rd grade it was considered “cool” to say you don’t believe in Sant.


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